See if you can focus for a moment. Turn off the TV and throw your smartphone away. I’m gonna teach you how to draw and… WAIT! COME BACK HERE! Do you want to learn this or not?

Ok good. Got a paper bag? No, don’t put your head in it… how old are you anyway. Start tearing it. Yeah, like that. Nice, I can see you’re really enjoying… Wait, ok not that much, hang on you… Great. You’ve ruined it. Go get another bag and maybe ease back on the enthusiasm just a TAD this time.

There, that’s fine stop STOP that’s fine, no STOP TEARING IT. Good. Now just set it down, set it…

Good. Finally. OK now it’s time to draw… Hey! What did I tell you about your smartphone? Give me that. I said give. GIVE. I’m just gonna hang onto this until you finish this exercise. I’m telling you it’s for your own good.

Don’t be like that. YOU’RE the one who wanted to learn how to fucking draw. You still want to? Can you stick with one thing for more than five seconds for once in your life? I swear, I’m at my wit’s end with you.

Oh, stop crying, you baby. Look. It’s absurdly simple. Draw the fucking bag. Draw the lines on the bag. Jesus.

See? There. Was that so damn hard? You’ve drawn something. Take your smartphone back and get the fuck out of here.